Saturday, September 28, 2013

Dear Facebook: Blogtember Prompt

Okay, so, you'll notice I'm not a faithful Blogtember follower.

Maybe I should have been, but at this point, we're just picking and choosing, peeps.

And this prompt, this "Write an antonymous letter to your FB pals," THIS I like.




Because, let's be honest, we all have a little Facebook angst now and again, am I right?

But, of course, we're such good facebookers, we're not honest about it . . . RIGHT? Or is that just me? Biting my tongue on the internet the same way I bite it in person because it's not any of my bloody business?



Maybe.



DEAR OLD BUDDIES, OLD PALS OF MINE:



* I LOVE IT WHEN YOU POST PICTURES.

I really do. I like seeing your lives and your joys and all of that. I like staying connected. Most of you are REALLY AWESOME photographers. You have adorable kids, cute animals, great fashion sense. Some of you are into fitness and post pictures of your progress and WOW! You're awesome. I love witnessing this from afar and cheering you on.

But I also like snooping.

I like judging you from behind the safety of my screen where you can't see me grimace or smile. That you can't see my jealousy, my indignation, my whatever-expression-I-try-never-to-show-in-public face. That's on me, not on you. My own heart issues, not yours.

But, let's face it, when you post a bazillion selfies, tagging things like #glutesalute. #sohot, and #fashionista, am I not supposed to be a little puzzled?

What the crap is a glute salute anyways?



*BE REAL.

If you're having a rough day, let Facebook know. If you're going through something hard or you're sick or just really down in the dumps, tell us. We'll encourage you and pray for you and everything. Be real. No one loves a perfect internet life.

Because we all know it's fake. You use the loo like the rest of us and, Lord knows, you have your own set of issues. Maybe you don't highlight it and that I totally understand. But don't hide it. I'd like to think the general public is smarter than that.

ON THE OTHER HAND.

Facebook shouldn't be your venting station for all of your problems ALL THE TIME.

You--yes YOU--who post nothing but complaints every day, multiple times a day? Complaints about kids, traffic, neighbors, pets, just EVERYTHING. Please stop.I'm sorry things are unpleasant, but screaming it on the internet won't really help.



* BE CAREFUL ABOUT YOUR KIDS

I love seeing pics of your kiddos. They're adorable, and it's fun.

Sometimes, a picture of your bundles of joy every two hours is a little much, but, hey, I get it, they're adorable, and who wouldn't want to see all of that cuteness all over their wall?

But please be careful.

Those rampant complaints about your child? Not cool. Sure, EVERYONE has a bad day or even a really rough streak (Terribly Twos, anyone?), but, one day, your child may find that post. Okay, maybe your toddler won't, but your tween daughter you've been ranting about? Yeah, she'll find it. And how do you think she'll feel? Will she suddenly go, "Oh, WOW, I really am being unfair and difficult to my mom on a daily basis; I should change my tune"? Most likely no. She'll probably feel embarrassed and betrayed and, well, maybe even feel justified in her behavior. I'm not saying I could parent better or that she's right or that I know what you're going through, but I do know how ANYONE would relate to online criticism. The same with husbands, in-laws, siblings, parents, the works--people have a way of FINDING the internet. Sure, we all have a right to complain now and again, but, if that person finds that post, how will you feel? Embarrassed? Justified? How? Always think twice before you post.

I can preach this from experience: imagine eighteen-year-old me, leaving home for college, complaining about my parents, and then my mom finding those blog posts.

Um, most awkward Thanksgiving EVER.

Ever, people. EVER.

If you need help with ideas, phone or text a friend, send a PRIVATE message. Don't post it for the whole interwebs.



*TEENS, I'M SORRY HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'LL HAVE A NEW CRUSH NEXT WEEK.

Seriously honeys, it's not the end of the world. Been there, done that, and in my old age all I can do is roll my eyes.

You're twelve. You don't REALLY know what true love is. Those butterflies and giggles you get when he walks in a room? Not love. That's crush, sweetheart, and those are a dime a dozen. Move on, sweeties.In two days you'll be drooling over someone else and forgotten your heartbreak.

And don't rush it.

I reiterate: YOU'RE TWELVE. Okay, maybe some of you are sixteen. Whatever, same difference. Most likely, you won't meet your true love in homeroom. Or even science or math or any of those places. Some of you might, but, please, don't rush it. That's just more drama than you already have or need.

Hormones. Gah. Blah. Boo.



And, um, P.S. Posting song lyrics does not REALLY make you deep. Yeah, they're good songs and all that, but it doesn't make you look super deep and misunderstood. It makes you look like you like a song, kiddos. Yep.



* OH MY GOSH WITH THE POLITICS ALREADY! OR CAMPAIGNS FOR ORGANIC OR THE EVILS OF VACCINATIONS OR WHATEVER PLATFORM YOU CLAIM . . .

I believe in being informed and having an opinion. I believe in doing research and finding a cause and a passion. I do. I have causes and beliefs and research I believe in--causes, opinions, and research I will, on occasion, share on my wall. I think it's awesome that we can do that and that it allows us to educate each other. It's fabulous.

But there comes a line, people. A line where it suddenly becomes too much; where it goes from proclamation to screaming, from information to a sermon, and it doesn't soften my heart towards your position. It fact, it hardens it. I stop reading and thinking and instead just roll my eyes. Here they go again, for the twelfth time today, another post on . BLAH.

Why? Because sometimes it's too much or it's too mean (has anyone else noticed how BRUTAL people become when you post politics??? Oh, laaaaawdy).Stop telling people they're idiots for not voting for your political party. Stop shouting that parents who don't follow the same parenting/dieting/medical practices as you are killing their children and their pets.

I love that social media like Facebook allows us to share things we find important, but doing the same, harsh, belittling, or fearful ranting style of posts over and over and over again only makes me more indifferent to your cause. Instead, post a few strong, well-presented articles or videos.Having one wonderful post/link proclaiming your cause is better than beating my wall to death with dozens of lousy posts.



Just a thought.



Do I sound like a dreadful person?



I probably do.



I'm very nice, usually, I promise . . .
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