I have a weakness.Okay, I have MANY weaknesses.One of them is that sometimes I want to know everything, the whole story.I want to see things to completion. When it comes to His plan for my life I want all the details and I want to know how it works out before I even start.Which, if you have been following the LORD for any time at all, you are probably laughing right now.That never happens.We would have no need for faith if that were the case.We would never grow, develop, or change.And I know that...in my head.But that doesn't stop me from still hesitating so many times, holding that doubt in my heart that He really does know what He is doing.Not trusting that He's had it all figured out, and well before I even arrived on the scene.
My dissolved adoption has by far been the most difficult thing I have ever been through.I knew I made the right decision and the Lord gave me many confirmations, but it was still always on my mind.In moments of faithlessness, there was still that doubting, that tinge of guilt all sent from the enemy to get me questioning.My heart ached so much because I didn't know how it would all turn out.Would I ever see if this was the right decision for her, and the right one for me.In the days and weeks that followed I prayed more times than I can count that God would let me see the story He was writing. That out of His great love for me, even though He owes me no explanation, that He would allow me to see with my flesh eyes that it was indeed what was best.Sometimes we don't get to see the beauty of His story this side of Heaven, and I accepted that might be the case.I was learning to trust Him on a whole new level.Daniel 3:18 has always been one of my favorite verses: "But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."I have taken those phrases and adapted them to situations all throughout my life.This was no different.I prayed "Please LORD let me see, but even if you don't, I will still trust you."
Then out of His goodness He gave me the gift of seeing!Last week I was contacted by none other than Z's new mom!!The day I had left Uganda, broken and confused, my lawyer referred that little girl to this lady. She accepted, and with God's provisional hand, officially adopted her just 3 months later.I can hardly believe it.Knowing that He has been in all the details.Reflecting on how He has tenderly cared for my broken heart, guiding me toward deeper faith in the One who holds my future.The LORD truly loves, cares for, and protects the orphaned and vulnerable.
Her mother said something to me that really touched me.She said that I will always be a part of her daughter's story.How honoring that the LORD would allow me that.May I continually learn the beauty of being a part of other's stories.Of fulfilling my role no matter how big or small so His glory is revealed.May your Kingdom come LORD.
Imani Ruth going to Kindergarden