Saturday, December 28, 2013

Lemon Balm Tea


I blocked my "boyfriend" akin the old saying "out of sight, out of mind."

Oh, if it only worked that way.

It turns out that he is insane.

Or he doesn't listen.

It makes more sense that he is insane.

He is angry that my divorce is final in eleven days.He pretended to forget that we delayed the final hearing so my ex could get a tidy tax refund.We had that talk months ago before I let him get me alone.He said he was an anarchist, so the government didn't define my relationship in his eyes.

Well....I wanted time alone and away from craziness in his life and he threw my divorce in my face.

It was his ace in the hole.I wasn't ready for a relationship.I let him push me and now I'm pond scum because I didn't wait for my divorce to be final.

I remember him asking if an eight year celibacy streak was enough time alone.

I guess it wasn't.

It was more like seven years.

Because he bitched about my marital status, I told him that I would avoid him until the divorce was final and my ex took his last box out of the house.I'm sure my former boyfriend will find another love by the time that happens.

He's a Leo.Everything is a fight.If I want five minutes to myself, it's a fight.

I needed a weekend away from his family dynamics.I have awful memories of his mother calling during moments we were close.

His mother dictates when I go home by when she lets him see his daughter.I can only imagine how controlling she will be when she has both his son and daughter.

Then, I'm going to stay mum on what the Gyno told me.

Well....maybe I should say....I don't know.

My birth control isn't effective.We don't know why.It could be that the pain medications I am taking is messing with my liver and so my body isn't processing it as it should.If one is spotting all the time, she's not safe to screw unless you like watching her knit booties.

I can't

I can't be with a guy until I try something else (unless he likes rain jackets).

I love ginger and parsley tea.I'll suck that down to make sure nothing comes of this little fling.

I'll suck the Lemon Balm to get over my feelings.Black candles, lemon balm, and eggs.

I even have the perfect lighter.

I bought it for Steve before he went bonkers.

It was a custom Zippo made in brass.

It had his name on the lid.

It had a Bob Marley quote on it "Light up the darkness."

I was going to let him ponder that thought.I never got to give it to him.His mother and father wanted to do something with him, so I never got to drop the gift off.

He only wanted me to drop it off if it led to sex.Sex on that day would have led to babies....


I made the right decision for all of us.

His mom...well... she's getting far to old to steal another child from her son.

Then he sent me this email about how gift giving makes me break up with him.No....he bitches and gives me the suggestion that I'm breaking up with him.Then he whines about my ex.Then he attacks. The he's gone.

This time...he blamed Bitcoin.

Bitcoin made him crazier than a pit bull foaming at the mouth.

Don't ask me.

I don't know.

I give up.

I don't know if I should write about my disdain for Porn Star Sex.Sex is not supposed to be what we see on TV.It's supposed to be down and dirty.It's supposed to be real and spontaneous.Look, I'd rather have a short dirty scream fest than 40 minute Yoga fun.

I think the worst memory is being shushed.He shushed me!I can't enjoy being with a man who tells me to keep my enthusiasm under wraps.

Some women actually like fellatio.If she's bleeding all the damn time, there are alternatives.

I feel lost.

If I can't do one thing....and I can't do the others....what is left to do?

I don't know if I should write about my penchant for buying bass guitars after break ups.

I bought a five string Steinberger after Thomas.

I got a custom made five string Koa wood Peavey after Ross.

Mike promised me a fretless Fender.I sold my guitars to stay afloat.I am saving up for a fretless bass.

Steve....what is that worth?An eight week fling? they make bass guitars cheap enough?

I know.....I know.....

I think I'll go out and buy myself a kazoo and make all the damn noise I want to make!!!

Love ya,

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