Tuesday, December 31, 2013

I want to ramble about something deep and thought-provoking for a change

Why are Onee-sans so much better than Imoutos?

This is basically a scientific matter of utmost priority.

Offtopic: Uh, they've just announced SAO II to no one's surprise. Have some painkillers. For instance, something like is a good read.

Alright, time for some Onee-san propaganda. With this being the last article of the year, I decided to dedicate this one to a really important topic: Glorifying one side of incest whereas condemning the other one, based on nothing but hypocrisy and yet, truer words have never been spoken. I am in the right and if you disagree, you are in the wrong. One could say I'm the Light-fucking-Yagami of the aniblogosphere, like it or not. Of course, this includes having a big ego as a negligable side effect but that's old news. Anyway, I'm here to spread my agenda because no one else is willing to do so. It's for a good cause, the greater good so to speak.

Long story short, this mangum opus of an article is solely dedicated to Onee-sans and how they are superior to that Imouto shit you scum people are into. Imoutos are for plebs. Onee-sans are for an elite. Onee-sans are the shit. Imoutos are shit. Say NO to Imoutos. You can do it. Join my Onee-san mafia TODAY!

Reasons as to why Onee-sans are superior to Imoutos by at least 300 times and more:

- Getting tenderly ara ara'd into a warm and fuzzy sleep is so much better than the pest Imoutos are.

- I think the first word that was spelled in Hiragana that I managed to properly translate was "Onee-san". Yes, indeed. That must have been fate and no less than obvious proof that Onee-sans > Imoutos.

- Onee-sans carry the responsibility and maturity gen. They can therefore take care of themselves as well as of you. Imoutos can't. Imoutos can't do anything.

- Bonus points for the Bronee-san archetype, something that sounds absolutely fantastic and wonderful.

- [Several other reasons I did not think of in the spur of the moment, all of them completely valid]

Also: Fuck Kirino.

Furthermore: Nishishishishi~ sucks.

Why are Imoutos always such horrible characters? Just think of Kirino or Suguha. Try to spend a few words on describing your average Imouto character. "Wants to fuck him" and "Is an attention-whoring slut" is all you could come up with. The worst part is that not only are you supposed to endure their bullshit, but also to stand up for them and feel sorry for them. And this is precisely why imoutofags are cretins with no dignity. Just compare that to the superiority of NEE-SANS, BEST -SANS. Sure, it always depends on the kind of big sister and I'm not trying to suggest that there couldn't be a bad Onee-san (a horrifying thought if there ever was one) but most of them are at least better than those shrieking nuisances. With that said, I am fairly convinced that right now, there's that one question lingering in your mind: "Are there actually any good Imoutos, oh grandmaster Zaku?"

Well, you know what they say: Even a blind hen sometimes finds a grain of corn. So yes, there apparently are good Imoutos. Just look at this blog's header image. Then again, Yuzurina was just faking to be a Imouto, so maybe that just goes to prove how Imoutos actually suck. I think there was also that Imouto from OreGairu. She was fine. But that's about it. It's almost bizarre how it's impossible to come up with more than three good Imouto characters despite getting exposed to them all the time. Now, if there was the same exposure to Onee-sans, I'm sure things would be different in their case. If only. Anyway, Imoutos are terrible and that's a fact.

Pictured: Perfection stuck in a terrible show.

Meanwhile, having an onee-sama~ fetish reflects on your good taste: You clearly belong to an elite. Your refined taste proves that you're a superior human being. People like you tend to be good guys with a mature take on life. They know what's right and wrong and fucking your older sister clearly belongs to the former, whereas as far as dicking Imoutos is concernedugh. Don't even get me started.

For those of you who are in love with some shrieking little bitch, also known as your little sister: You're scum. You're the lowest. You are a lowlife existence, a sick fuck at its worst, suffering from pedophilia and who knows what else. It's like you're a fucking machine or something, brainwashed to execute fascination with the most generic fetish of all time next to swimsuits (yawn) and maids (super-yawn). You sheeple. Seriously, there's something wrong with you.

It's why tights will never get more love than thighhighs. It's why monster girls are still an obscurity and not supported and loved by everyone. It's why girls with long skirts are portrayed as monstrous delinquents in anime, not as the refined ladies they are. It's why each and every Comiket anew, that one series will be ignored since everyone is to busy flooding the world with even more Touhou doujins. There's something fundamentally wrong here, ladies and gentlemen and I daresay you are the reason. Yes, you plebs. You are what is wrong with this world. You are to blame for my bitterness. All of you are precisely the reason why we can't ever have nice things. I don't think I could ever properly express my hatred for you but that sure won't stop me from trying.

Onee-san/10, would incest.

You think I have no right to scream and yell like this as if I hadn't been discriminated against to the point of justifying my wrath? Well, let's take a look at the next season featuring 3 incest anime:

Dark, cannibalistic monster girl Imouto anime: 5 minutes per episode.

Heart-warming, adorable Onee-chan (who happens to wear tights) anime: 3 minutes per episode.

More generic Imouto bullshit although this time, apparently more ashaming than ever before: Full-length. Good grief, it's even getting a light novel and live-action movie adaptation, what the fuck is wrong with this world? It's not like we don't already have dozens of those things anyway.

Moe, harmless, innocent, everything Imouto anime will never achieve to be. You lack a soul if you don't think that this is cute.

Having both pupa and Onee-chan ga Kita air in the same season was like Christmas come early for me. It was like BEST GIRL winning for once and we all know that never happens anyway. It looked like someone had finally acknowledged my misery. Justice had been done. I'd finally be released from my seemingly endless times of suffering. Up until everything went down the shitter once again anyway. Needless to say, being of the composed kind, I took it like a true gentleman, starting walking in circles for about 5 minutes with compassionate feelings of fury overwhelming me until I finally calmed down and started compensating my anger through writing the very hatred-filled text you're reading right now. Blogging is all about expressing yourself after all, so I am doing this right I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, others have other preferences apparently getting featured as little as mine. Except in their case, that's not really true. Yurifags f.i. love to complain about how anime treats them. Bah, humbug. Their misery is nothing compared to mine. At least they get constantly pandered to with all that pseudo-homosexual bullshit and "implications". Not that that would ever quell their thirst, but compare that to my situation. Do I ever get pandered to? Has there ever been any favor to an Onee-san-loving audience? Yes? No. Not to mention how you people get two shoujo-ai titles within the next two seasons. What do I get? 24 minutes in total for a quarter of a year as a once in a lifetime thing? Lesbian fetishists, you know nothing about the true, really, really bitter taste of despair. This is sadder than a McDonald's coupon for a tiny portion of free fries with its date expired given to a homeless guy desperately seeking for food that isn't dirt on the ground.

But. BUT! I shall not falter. Zaku will never give up, never hide, never be defeated, never accept evil.

I will keep fighting against windmills. So you don't have to.

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year or something.
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