Saturday, November 2, 2013

Why I am different and thankful to be so

When I was growing up, I always felt different. I was a very quiet, shy, introverted person. I had friends but I always found it hard to make friends. I wanted to be liked but always felt like people didn't like me. I was very self conscience about everything. I desperately wanted to be loved and sought out that love in all the wrong ways. I guess you could say I had a severe lack of self esteem. I won't heavily get into where this stems from other than to say my home life was unsatisfying.

Did I just have a Breakfast Club moment?

It took me a very long time to become comfortable in my own skin. I am talkingwell into my 30's before I didn't feel like an out of control, sexually crazed, nut job!! It took a lot of counseling, praying, failed relationships, and unconditional love for me to learn to love myself.. I don't have to let my past define me but I have also learned who I am from it. I have learned to love who I am and see myself through God's eyes of grace, mercy, love and forgiveness. I have learned to accept my flaws and have self control over those bad voices in my head that tell me I am nothing. I have learned that I can control myself and my emotions, instead of letting them control me. This has been a life long process and one that I am thankful for.

Has anyone ever asked you what you would change about your past if you could? I have thought about it but then I wonder what the consequences would be if the past was changed. Everything that has happened has made me the unique individual I am today and I am thankful for that. As my hubby loves to say, "I love me some me"

Yes, he actually says this. He has no lack of self

So who am I?

I am a child of God. I am so blessed that He calls me his daughter but....

I struggle with my spirituality and I argue with God all the time.

I have so many questions to ask when I get to heaven.

I believe in the supernatural, afterlife, ghosts and spirits.

I am a mother.. the best thing that ever happened to me!!

I am a wife... I love that man more than anybody should be allowed!!

I am a Nana.. second best thing!!

I am a compassionate person

I am a caregiver

I am a lover

I hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid it

I am bisexual. Tim and I have some very interesting conversations about other women..hehe

I am poly amorous in nature but choose to live monogamously. (unless I meet a woman, then all bets are off.. haha)

It took me a long time to accept the previous two things above and even longer to be open and honest about them. A big thanks to my husband who I can talk to about all of this and who understands my feelings about the whole thing

I love to read and some of my favorite books are the stuff my kids Harry Potter

I love chocolate and soda and cheesecake.. this is totally unhealthy and I mostly don't care

I like to cook and bake but it's the one thing I would hire out if I was rich.

I have struggled with my weight and body image my whole life.. even when I was skinny.. it's not just a fat thing.

I couldbe a hermit.. really.. well as long as I had a tv and internet. I am a total home body.

I secretly wish I could get up on stage and rock the house out but I am terrified to sing in front of anyone.

I cannot dance.. don't ask me to unless you want a good laugh.. but you may have to get me drunk first

Oh I don't get drunk anymore.. if you wanna know why, ask my there's a funny!!

I love to drink those fruity drinks with the little umbrellas but I also love a good beer.. Matter of fact, I've been wanting to try Reds Apple ale. Oh honey we need to go shopping!!

Speaking of shopping, Am I the only women on the planet who doesn't really enjoy shopping for clothes for herself? Its a necessity that's it.

I have a memory problem when it comes to peoples names, dates, and titles of things but when an 80's song come on the radio I remember ever single word

I use to love to play the flute and sometimes I wish I still did but I don't think my family does cause they look at me odd whenever I've mentioned it

I can hand sew but put me in front of a sewing machine and you can forget it. I would like to learn though

I taught myself how to crochet using videos from Youtube

I like quilting

Gardening makes me giggle with delight

I really really really wanna jump out of a plane.. with a parachute ofcourse

One of these days I will go horse back riding.. it's part of my bucket list. Do you have a bucket list?

These are just a few things that make me.. well me. I am thankful for each and every thing. I am thankful God made me the way I am and I wouldn't change a thing..

So what are the things that make you unique and are you thankful for them?
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