Saturday, November 9, 2013

Reality Check

When I was Optifasting -- and in the initial months of maintenance -- it was very, very important to me that I be in the "elite" 2-5% who keep all their weight off after losing it with a primarily liquid diet. In many ways, I was obsessed, because I believed anything less would translate into me being a failure and meant that I would gain all my weight back. I viewed myself as either Melissa at 160 lbs. or Melissa at 239 lbs.

This automatically set me up to define everything about myself in number terms. I fell right into that trap I had identified early on in my Optifasting and swore I would avoid. Was it inevitable? Well, I'm not so sure. When you get weighed in at a clinic week after week, watching your weight go down and your clothes start to fall off from two, three, four drops in clothing size, it's an incredible, alluring "high." No doubt about that. And all of these numbers are charted, for you to clearly see.

For me, there was no disputing this fact: The lower the numbers started to go, the better I felt -- physically and emotionally.

But for me, I started to lose touch with the fact that I am so much more than my weight and measurement statistics. I have many, many other wonderful things that make up "me." I'm compassionate. A loving wife. A great cook. Inquisitive. I'm hard working. Funny. Very caring and sympathetic. Like all of us, I am many good things. In short, I am amazing.

Unfortunately for me, this is something I don't (or won't) believe all the time -- it's not second-nature for me to embrace this reality. Label it low self-esteem I guess. Today, however, I am going to change that. Today I am going to give myself a big pat on the back and raise a glass (of mineral water) to myself and all the wonderful qualities I possess. No, it's not a time for a huge slice of cake (wink, wink) but it is a time for a long walk with my Bassets with a big smile on my face.

I am amazing. I must remember that!
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