Me! Me! Me! A Cassendre Xavier Museletter
The "The Three Crystal Spoons" ediccione, if you will. (As it were.)
Sunday, November 03, 2013
TABLE OF CONTENTS
A) GREETING
1) SOUNDTRACK TO THIS HERE ISSUE
2) DREAMLOGUE & INTERPRETATION: THREE CRYSTAL SPOONS
3) IT'S THE TV OR ME
4) GRIEVATION (WITHOUT REPRESENTATION)
5) CX MERCH (aka RENAISSANCE NEGRESSE CATALOG)
6) BOOK ME! (OR: THIS IS WHAT I DO)
7) FUND ME! (OR: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GIVE, BUT I DO HAVE TO ASK!)
Z) FAREWELL BLESSING
CONTENTS OF TABLE
A) GREETING
Hello! How are you, Dear Reader?
I'm very glad to be writing to you again. I've been spending way too much time sleeping and watching TV and not enough time writing and trying to change my life for the better. Depression is a beeyotch! I just spent two weeks in Michigan which turned out to be more of a complex and mostly very relaxing vacation (from what, you ask? I dunno, suffering perhaps?)
But, before I get all Me! Me! Me! let me say more about you! I hope you're doing well. I hope you're enjoying this beautiful season. Although I may not write enough, I do think of you all and I send you much positive energy and wishes that you're happy and healthy, and if not, that you're finding enough strength every day to become a little moreso.
I love Autumn. It's my favorite season of the whole year. First of all, I love living in a part of the world that has all four seasons. And I love autumn because it's not too hot and muggy, it's not too cold and icy, I don't need to shovel anything! I love that it's just chilly enough to bundle up. I adore not only the colors of the leaves of the trees, but the colors we wear during the fall, earth tones are my absolute favorite. They relax me just to look at them. The renaissance negresse she is the fuchsia, so she needeth the grounding earth for le balance!
I was in a little town near Ann Arbor, Michigan, and I really enjoyed it. It was the first leg of my Megabus Tour, and I look forward to sharing more about what happened there and how the next one will go.
I go into more detail below, but I actually wrote another museletter days ago, and you're getting this one first, because it's the one I'm finishing first. The other one got sidetracked by a little thing I like to call "TV".
Well, I think that's all for now.
I'll writ again soon. Thank you all for being here and for caring about my art/work, and therefore, life :-)
1) SOUNDTRACK TO THIS HERE ISSUE
These are the songs I listened to whilst I wrotified (aka "wroticated") this here missive, in order of playage (aka "playery"), as it were. (If you will.)
a)Herb Alpert - Rise (Very long and sexy 7:37 minute long version. Of course. How else would you expect le renaissance negresse to roll?!)
b)Run To You (Original + Lyrics) by Cassendre Xavier9:57 minutes of sweet sultry goodness in the same key as the song that precedes it. From my album Capable of Love (2009/Serious Creature Music), and available to download at iTunes and CD Baby (where it's also available in that good old fashioned CD format. 'Memba those?) .
c) Live London 1992 - Cold Day In Hell . Nothin' else to say about this song except try this. Try it and tell me what you think it tastes like. Doesn't it remind you of a motorcycle ride in heaven? That's what I think. I think it tastes just like taking a motorcycle ride in heaven. Yep.
d)Stevie Ray Vaughan - Superstition - Live In New Orleans in 1987 .
e)Robert Palmer - Mercy Mercy Me + I Want You .
f)Rupert Wates and Friends, "Joe's Cafe," Pt. 5. Cassendre Xavier singing "Snow in New York", a song from Rupert's album Joe's Caf.
g)Rupert Wates Trio: Prisoner Of The Open Road .
h)Reach (Original + Lyrics) by Cassendre Xavier .
2) DREAMLOGUEMeals: Appetizer/Entr e/Dessert; Time: Past/Present/Future, The three men in my life: Michigan/Brooklyn/Tom; and finally the 3 that cycles in my life always. Magickal things always occur in my life in cycles of 3.
Significance of crystal: Heaven, Crystalline, all things beautiful, of the Most High, and spiritual; actual crystals (quartz, etc.), New Age spirituality, angels.
One of the greatest regrets I've since my sweetie of four years' passing in March 2013 is that I never told him how intelligent I thought he was. I know he thought I was classy, and I worry he thought I may have felt superior to him in some ways. Last night I borrowed from my spiritual teacher Doreen Virtue's guided meditations an idea that we can go back or forward in time to change anything. I used the power of my imagination to tell Tom the things I always wished I'd said, and after crying, I felt peaceful, as if it had been done. I learned this is what faith is, and the dream was an affirmation of this. He heard and came to reassure me that all is well in his world now, and that he is happy we are still close in spirit, though no longer relating physically as we had before. The use of proper silverware in certain settings is usually a point of worry for the untrained. The crystal and gold-white light remind me he is in a place where these things don't matter, yet he wanted to relay to me the message and his joy. He wanted to know he still hears, sees, and feels me, and that I am loved, not only by the Source of the Light, but by himself also. When I awoke, I felt very reassured, and warmed by the feel of his kiss which was as if it had happened in this very room from which I write and from where I dreamt it. I must remember always that this remembering - this making contact, is not only for the comfort of the living, but that of those who have passed on and in spirit still remain and wish to connect with us.
For more about this subject, check out my Wisdom Magazine online edition article by Cassendre Xavier(May 2013)3) IT'S THE TV OR ME
Three days ago I spent five hours blissfully writing a "Diary of a renaissance negresse." I had just a few brief finishing touches left before sending it to you, Dear Reader, when I glanced at the television in my room and succumbed to its silent taunting, "Turn me on! Turn me on!" which I unfortunately did.
No more writing happened. It stayed on non-stop since then, allowing me to wallow in its empty stories and mindless entertainment which took me away from the important and joyous work I would have benefited from doing.
This morning, I covered it with some pretty soft purple cloth from my Tom collection, topping it with a beautiful angel statuette he purchased on by birthday a few years ago, and next to it a pair of his ridiculous granny-style sunglasses he wore as a joke from time to time.
These things are to remind me that until I can do TV in moderation, it's best to do me. And that means, write, write, write. Write as I figure out what to do next. Write as I express my whatevers, and write as I communicate with my appreciators and supporters. All the Laws and the Orders aren't going to help my mind nearly as much as taking just twenty minutes to tippy tapon the keyboard does always.
4) GRIEVATION (WITHOUT REPRESENTATION)
The grieving for my dead and best lover it comes and it goes. Since I was just with someone for the first time in nine months, and for the first time since Tom's passing, new feelings have arisen, and the triggers they are everywhere. I am crying every day, several times a day. He is gone forever. He was not only my best and most ardent, passionate lover, but he was my helper. Truly my helpmate, and politically correct or not, my rescuer.
What's annoying is trying to be quiet about it. When there is someone in the room next to me and all I want to do is really exercise my lungs and sob it all out, I feel compelled to simma donna. That part's not fun at all. And I know it's not healthy. Maybe I could go to them and say, "Hey, I'm rehearsing a role. It's a chyk who loses her partner of four years and it's only 9-months fresh. I feel this character would be really sobbing several times a day, so I'm going method and doing that, too. You might hear some wailing mixed in. Don't let it bother you. Oh, and I've warned the children, too, so " Then I'd just let that trail off and walk away, grabbing the nearest box of facial tissues. So where was I? Oh yeah
What helps me feel better is to remember he is no longer suffering. I also talk with my spiritual friends about the grieving process, the most helpful of which lately has been talking about the Jewish faith and its highly defined three-part system of grieving.
I also know it gets better over time. And I'm getting back on the horse again. Not throwing myself on it, but not just dipping my toe in the proverbial pool of dating, either. Something in between, using mostly my heartal reggione.
And I know that love is not in the romance. It's in the artmaking. It's in the giving of all things and in all ways that we know we are meant to give.
I know the more I write, the sooner I will meet the next greatest love of my life. In the meantime, I make friends of various kinds, including romantic and/or sexual, but I don't have a big hurry. I am too much enjoying all the sensations of life, including what it feels like to grieve. I am happy I have enough of my heart to feel it wrenching this way, and next time, I will give even more, so that if I lose it, I will be devastated completely, until the next.
5) CX MERCH (aka RENAISSANCE NEGRESSE CATALOG)
a) 6 CDs oflive and studio music (2002-2009/Serious Creature Music):
b) 2 albums todownload at iTunes:
c) CXTV- theofficial CX YouTube channel:
d) Book -Expanding Your Capacity for Joy: A Raw Vegan Comfort Book, Sourcebook &Journal (2009/ARtivist Publications), sold at Essene Market & Caf (Philadelphia) and Arnold's Way Raw Vegetarian Cafmay it surpass all your expectations, and may it be for the good of all.
Sincerely in art and community,
Cassendre Xavier
(aka Amethyste Rah, aka Amrita Waterfalls)
renaissance negresse & ARTrepreneur
(musician,writer,actress,fine artist)
Founder & Director of the Black Women's Arts Festival (Est. 2003) and the Women's Writing & Spoken Word Series
(c) Copyright 2013 by Cassendre Xavier. All rightsen reservanitzkhen. (Never let it be said!)
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