COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY(This quote has been a huge part of my journey in learning to find beauty within myself)
I have wanted to write this post for awhile but I always hesitated. Even as I write it I know it is something that I will probably continue to struggle with so I feel like I am not yet to the mastering stage to write and help someone else learn what I have... I still have some learning to do. However I still have something to say about the matter so I'll give it my best.
I am beautiful! We are all perfectly beautiful in our life story! I have not always felt that my whole life. In fact just today I still had moments of hating my hips and candy loving self. However, I know that I am beautiful and I am trying incredibly hard to believe it 100 percent because I deserve to get to that point before the end of my journey.
I first started finding beauty in myself when I met Nate. He was just what I needed in my life. He made/makes me feel like I am the most beautiful thing that ever did walk this earth. He has taught me that beauty is not just about actions, physical appearances, talents, or brains. It is so much deeper than that and I am still learning but I think if beauty could be described in one word it would be love.
Now Kendrick taught me beauty on a whole different level. My body had to change drastically to bring him into this world and I will never ever have the body I had before becoming pregnant (which I am thankful as it is a reminder that he once grew inside me and is my little miracle). When I look at Kendrick I see perfection and nothing less. He currently has over 20+ bumps and bruises from being a busy body but he is still perfect. Every bruise, shape, dimple, wrinkle line on his body is a part of his story. He is beautiful because his body is ultimately telling his life story. It will change as he changes and that is a miracle all in itself. His body tells about his past (generations of genes) and in the future it will mold and change as he does.
When I think of little Kendrick and see nothing but beauty I know that I too posses that same beauty. I would be devastated if Kendrick told me he hated his looks or some other similar negative thought. With Kendrick in my life I feel like I have a taste of what God must think when we put ourselves down. I too can be looked at perfectly in the imperfect world. Ya my body may have acne, bruises, dry skin, and too small of a forehead... but it is still my perfect body. It is perfect for me in order to accomplish the things of this life. It is a part of me and that is what makes it so beautiful. When I laugh and get the annoying double chin, I should be thankful for the moments that allowed that story to blossom (probably many late night ice cream parties with Nate). Each part of my physical, mental, and spiritual body is a part of my life that tells something about me and for that I am thankful because it is what makes me Melanie Marie Crow. There is nobody else I'd rather be because quite frankly I have a hard enough time being me.
I still am learning how to love myself 100% but I do know that I am beautiful even if I am not a supermodel or mom of the year. I will keep telling myself that I am perfectly me and one day I know I will believe it 100%. For now though, I'm happy with whatever percent I'm at because it is higher than it has ever been and I'm happier because of it. There is Beauty all around... even within ourselves.