okay, decided to try blogging again. At least I can pen down my thoughts and emotions and not just keep everything to myself, and think so much. Pardon my crude way of writing. I cannot stand it liao and i don't care already. In arts i write so many essay, ask me to write perfect English in my blog will make me puke even more. i shall type in a very colloquial manner, just like im talking to someone. LOL
I frequently find myself putting on my earplugs and find for the music that fits my mood the best. okay im talking about music again.
when im mad or raging, i listen to green day's holiday. makes me feel like im driving a car at high speed ( i don't know how to drive )
when im feeling nostalgic, i listen to my Cantonese song.
When i feel like dancing or wushu-ing ( my new cca), i will listen to instrumental songs like matsuri. Yoshida brothers- matsuri and Kitaro's matsuri. both also very nice.
when im sad, i listen to many many songs.. but most of the time im either mad or nostalgic. If im feeling empty, i just suffer the whole day, cause no song can fill me up. HAHA
School's is okay so far. what else can it be. Studying , writing reports, writing essays. But i have to say i really enjoy this module. xd3103. Yeah yeah its a level 3000 module, but a level 1000 module is more demanding then this. The content is so fun! I learn about big bang, how the planets are formed, how water came to earth, dinosaurs?, fossils?, and some geoscience stuff. Okay, i study rocks very intensely for lab too. Must be able to identify the minerals in the rocks etc., but that aside its full of fun. I regretted ponning the moon gazing lab though.Astrophysics is so fun!
okay i shall try Einstein's quantum madness and understanding the universe mods next time. haiya, i wanted to blog about my inner feelings now. but i end up talking all the rubbish and lost the feeling to talk about it.
lemme try
I feel that im not in control of my own life. Im floating around and listening to everyone's advice and opinion.I get so mixed up with everyone's opinion that i forget what is my original opinion. I also have no idea what i want to do in the future and what i want to do now. Im just following people blindly and accepting things that are given to me blindly. there seems to be nothing that i want or that i will work hard for.
I remember when i was younger, i used to go PA with the determination to master this and that , this and that. But after that, what should i do? Where should i go? im in that "after that" phase now. Whenever, i see facebook posts of how people like dance and its their life etc, i know that i don't like dance to that extent.to me dance is just useful. Useful as an exercise to keep fit- best alternative to running already. I derive a lot of pleasure and accomplishment when i do trainings, but not when i have to prepare for a performance.
for a while, i thought that i would be like my brother. but i guess i still need to have a group of people to hangout with and have similar aspirations and hobbies.
another thing is that, i realize a pattern in my mood. I really think its due to hormonal changes. The cycle goes like this glum-> the feeling of emptiness-> confused-> mad-> calm-> happy-> glum, and the cycle continues. so usually right before my period, i will have PMS. PMS mode, super tired and grouchy.Then after day 1, i will be happy again. -.- can you imagine, I constantly have to go through these phases of mood swings and its super tiring. How i wish i can remove all that hormones that are causing these. ARGHH
anyway, after watching gravity and being so glum for this past few week. ( i don't even know why im glum okay, its most prolly a hormone changes thing) I decided already.
after realizing my dream of living in rural areas of Europe, rearing cows, pigs and roosters, if i don't have kids and family, I will go and apply to be an astronaut.
Go and do some YOLO stuff, and if im suay, float away in space. enjoy the few mins of the universe, before i fall into deep sleep. That's the best way to die, in my opinion.
My dad proposed another idea. Spend all our money, travel around the world and after being in a state of bankruptcy, jump down a cliff and die gracefully. (obviously, both of us got scolded by my mother)
HAHA,but anyway i think my idea is a more spectacular way of dying. maybe there's another world out that waiting for me, my utopian world. LOL
ciao~
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