Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Unraveled

Have you ever watched someone completely unravel from sanity?No?Well, let me tell you about it.It's not unlike pulling on that one tiny end of yarn at your waistline thinking it's just a bit of lint, when in all actuality it's the beginning of the end of your sweater.One sharp tug is all it takes to start the process.If you keep pulling on the thread, the sweater will only last a matter of minutes.If you leave it alone and try smooth over what you've started, the sweater will last a bit longer.It might even make it through a few washings before it becomes just one incredibly long piece of nothing.Either way, you'll never wear it with confidence again.



If you could see me right now, you'd know that whatever remained of my mind up until this morning is now nothing more than a tangled mass of yarn pooling at my feet.My sweater of sanity has unraveled, leaving me exposed and vulnerable to the people who pulled the string.I need a dark room with soothing music and a metric ton of chocolate in order to rally.Maybe then I can think about making a poncho out of the scraps I have left.




Anyway, the events that led me to total mental destruction this morning were thus:



1) Henry is teething.Really, do I need to say anything more?I don't, but I'm going to.My pain is now yours as well.

Along with fever, drooling and general grumpiness, one of the most common symptoms of a teething baby is the terrific diarrhea and subsequent diaper rash.Poor Henry is suffering terribly in this particular area, therefore so are we.Every few hours you will find us performing the same horrific tasks, like some sort of hellish re-enactment of Groundhog Day.

This morning I actually made myself a hot breakfast.Melt in your mouth bacon, crispy hashbrowns and eggs, over medium.My tummy was rumbling at the thought of real food (yesterday I had a handful of carrots in between packing boxes until Jordan came home and cooked dinner) and I grinned in anticipation of the savory delights that awaited me.As I put the first bite of food into my mouth however, I heard Henry yell from the kitchen and I ran to see what trouble he'd gotten himself into.It turns out that he was trapped in some awful yoga position in one of the kitchen cabinets and had been straining so hard to get free that his already taxed bowels released themselves... upside down.Gravity took over with the result of poop coming out of the neckline of his shirt.By the time I got him undressed (WHY do they only make baby clothes that go on over the head???), a bath was vital.For both of us.



2) Because I've been busy packing and haven't been as vigilant with rationing, Mitch has eaten a LOT of popcorn and apricot leather in the last few days.So, while I was bathing Henry, Mitch came at a run to use the facilities.He kind of made it... mostly.Needless to say, he got to use the other tub while I disinfected the bathroom.



3) Everyone finally washed, bathroom clean and myself practically dipped in bleach, I sit down to my now very cold hot breakfast to take a bite of congealed, rubbery eggs and sigh in self pity.That was my mistake.I let down my guard for an instant.A moment. A nanosecond of time that was the last tug on my sweater.Henry reached his tiny hand up and quick as a snake, grabbed my plate to fling it backward, over his head in a rather impressive arc that covered floor, wall, tv and table.I can attest that ketchup has a splatter pattern not unlike those I've seen of crime scene photos and egg yolk will harden in seconds.The next 30 minutes were spent scraping and washing the living room, including a brief but violent struggle with Henry over a piece of bacon.Tears were shed on both sides.



4) Jordan called as I was finishing the last of the scrubbing, to tell me that the lenders working on our home loan have asked for a new document to prove that he was in the Army.The Army was very helpful and said that it's no problem at all to get us that particular document... in approximately 30 days.So, we won't be moving this Friday as we had originally thought.We have no idea when that will happen now that I've got most of our household in boxes in the front room.



All of these events have led me to where I am right now, eating heath bar ice cream in my pajamas at 10 o'clock in the morning, watching the kids make a ramp out of the couch cushions to roll their baby brother down.I threw a couple of pillows at the bottom of the ramp, but that's all I had in me at the moment.I am currently unraveled.
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